Over at her blog, Tendus Under a Palm Tree, Miami City Ballet dancer Rebecca King has opened a discussion of recent comments made by New York Times dance critic Alastair Macaulay about the weight of two dancers in his review of New York City Ballet's performance of George Balanchine's The Nutcracker. Likely being the least capable person to adequately discuss the weight issue in ballet didn't stop me from being the first to comment. My bottom line was if weight adversely affected the performance it is a legitimate issue. But it seemed the critic was just trying to turn a clever phrase.
As I've mentioned elsewhere in this blog, my connection to ballet is through my nieces and a pas de deux class I take with one of my nieces. But it didn't take long for me to learn that weight in ballet is a very sensitive topic and particularly with young girls an unkind word can have devastating consequences. When I jokingly told our teacher that I watch what my niece eats because I'll be lifting it later he shot me a look that it isn't a joking matter.
I do know first hand the horrible problems that come with an eating disorder. My wife suffered through an eating disorder for over ten years all because her mother told her she looked fat one night when we watched my wife's nephew in a high school basketball championship game.
I met my wife when I coached her soccer team. She looked very athletic with nice legs and if anything was a little on the thin side. No one would have ever thought she was fat, except her mother who was rail thin the entire time I knew her.
I didn't hear the comment my mother-in-law made and I only learned about it years later. My wife, who generally always ate well, stopped eating. She already suffered from panic attacks at that time and losing weight did not help. And she had a tendency to self medicate with alcohol for the panic attacks which soon took on new dangers due to the weight loss.
Those of you who don't have any experience dealing with someone with an eating disorder won't know the incredible frustration. My athletic wife became frail. It didn't help that she injured her knee and wasn't able to play soccer. Soon it seemed too risky for her to play. Yet she thought she looked too heavy.
We probably fought every day over eating. I would ask what she wanted for dinner and she would say anything was fine but everything I suggested was shot down. Finally she would say I should know what she wanted to eat and since I didn't she wouldn't eat at all because she lost her appetite since I obviously didn't care about her.
This went on for years. Her friends started to think that I was abusing her. They did at least one intervention. They only saw the weight issue but it was so much more than that, with the alcohol issue and panic issue as well. But she was able to convince them that she was fine.
Then one night I was awakened as she was having a seizure. She had gotten the flu and stopped drinking for one day. And that was enough to cause a seizure because her body had been ravaged due to the weight loss and drinking. She spent almost a week in the hospital and I hoped we were on the road to recovery but she popped open a beer immediately after we got home. I think she had at least three more seizures after that. Probably more that I was unaware of. She still wouldn't eat much.
So I started making her breakfast in bed every morning. She would eat a little bit at first and eventually did better and better. I tried not to argue over dinner which had just played into her hands. And I was able to get her eating more and more. Little did I know what was coming around the corner.
My wife was gaining more and more weight. She had her appetite back. She weighed more than she ever had before for a few months. Then about five years ago she started complaining of an ear ache. We went to urgent care and they said it was just the flu. A month went by and her ear hurt more and more so we finally went to see a specialist. And the news was not pretty. She had cancer and the tumor was causing the pain in her ear. She started weeks of radiation and chemotherapy.
There is no way that she would have survived the treatment if she weighed as little as she had. Her body would not have been able to take it. She has had four surgeries since then and right now she is in the clear. And she has been able to keep her weight up. And she is not letting her panic issues stop her from getting out like they used to. And she has significantly cut down on her drinking.
So I'm not sure how the eating issues stopped. I think that her body just let her know that she needed to eat and she was able to hear the message.
These eating issues can have dire consequences, I know that first hand. I'll be watching Rebecca's blog to see other comments from people that are in the ballet world.
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